It starts to pound heavily – referring to my heart , ears at times go hot , my brain gets into some kind of a block and all of the words I want to say vanish in thin air . This is exactly what and how it happens to me when someone raises their voice or speak in a tone which are many decibels above normalcy .
At the hindsight I visualize many a times standing up to the person shouting back matching their voices , sometimes raising it above them and feel very victorious after the whole thing has transpired. As they say visualization has great power given you work towards that . Going back to my mode of introspection , I realized that for me raising voices creates hurt , anger and sadness and I would not want to be that medium which causes the same to others.
Have I gained much , yes and no , over the years , I have learnt to ignore it though hundred percent at the moment its like someone kicking your womb . I also know that I have built up my own way of dealing and confronting it by either shutting down for sometime or replaying the scene a thousand times that it becomes inconsequential after sometime.
I am not going to lie here as my goal for these blogs are , so I accept that the fear is always there that now a conversation is going to turn ugly and for the coming days will disturb the head. I further accept that by standing up to it and identifying moments of vulnerability , I have felt a stronger version of me emerging.
A secret I will share is when someone shouts , they tend to show authority over you , dismiss the authority , in another sense , never make them realize that they have gained that authority on you, you will soon realize the futility of the process and things calm down .
Very contrary to many others who say that Women should stand up and fight , mighty well you do if you can – no one should stop you from doing what you can. My bit is where standing up seems a task overtly, do it in ways which will instill or better maintain your respect for you!